My dad

My dad (Ayah) pass away unexpended on Tuesday morning June 17th, 2012. He should not have died, he just text my mom few hrs. earlier, talking about the Ramadan preparation, taking my sister to work and how he’ll promise to pick my mom up from the airport on August 5th. Everything went so fast that night it seems blurry to me. I remember getting the news around 10:30pm, family and frantically trying to get hold of anybody back home.. then finally hear the truth after talking to my crying sister. I remember the pain, so unbearable, it actually physically hurt. I remember how my mom keeps on fainted the whole night… he should not have died… there are many plans left….

Here I am writing this memorial for my dad’s memory book and it shouldn’t be that way.  My dad should not have died on Tuesday morning July 17th 2012. He was 65 years old and although he’s been complaining a minor chest pain lately, he’s fine. Then this, he died of a heart attack… leaving us here.

Losing my Father is one of the most difficult things I have gone through.  As I am writing this today, I realize how fortunate I was to have him as my Father.  There are not words to express his influence in my life. Ayah is (was) a great dad and a loving husband. He is also a wonderful grandfather. There are so many wonderful stories I could tell you, but there won’t be enough pages in this books… wonderful memories he left us with… and that memory keep him alive inside me, my mom, my sister and my two little girls, and among all people that loves him just as much. As Tyra often remind me, “grandpa will always be here with us” as he point to her chest.

I learned from him the value of education and hard work. One main lesson he gave me is that how as a woman, I should have skills, I should have a degree, a career, so I don’t depend on men and therefore no man will ever took me for granted and valued me. I am who I am today is because of my parents, because of my dad… he is no saint by any means, he’s human who made mistake and learned from them, but now I know he did the best he could with what he had. In many ways he succeeded better than most.

Family, relative and friends have said to me over and over again, how my dad was a great man, loving, kind and generous. Most of them remember how much he loves his family, how much he loves my mom and us his girls. He passionate about the world and history, he loves to play the piano or organ and sings, he loves to dance, him and my mom took samba, cha cha and salsa lesson together and enjoy it. Recently he enjoys cooking and I’m fortunate that I got to taste that! He is also very passionate about God, about Allah and never stop teaching me small little pray to get me through the day and difficult time…

He always reminds me to trust God with His plan. Remind me to achieve more and yet to stay humble, he assures me that all will be okay at the end. Now here I am, still filled with sadness, grief, and little anger. I need to remember his words, his advises, and most of us trust God that all will be okay.

There’s a saying in Indonesia rough translation is: “how a person live their life will be reflected when he die.” Hundreds have come and pay their respect, many cries with my family, some even wish is should’ve been them instead of him…  my sister told me that till this day we have not spend one cents on his funeral or memorial services. Everything has somehow been provided for us by relatives and family friends. From the cemetery plot, memorial service expenses, food expense…  all has been taking care of.. Everybody loves my dad. My Dad loved us, worked hard for many years for us, was liked by many people, and loved God.

 My dad passing was very quickly – just what he always wanted, no pain, no suffering – expect for the one he left behind. As if he knew his days were numbered, one of his last text messages to my mom was:

“Many people told me I’m unlucky for not having boys to carry my name. On the contrary, I am the luckiest father and man in the world, both our daughters grew up to be respectful daughters who took care of me and spoils me. When I was in Denver Sendie spoils me and her and Pheng never stops show me a good time. Now I’m back home, Acha did the same. Always make sure I have all I need, especially my favorite food. I’m sure both girls turn out well because of you, because of your upbringing. Thank you my love for raising our daughters’ right. I know you will be in their great hands.”

I love you daddy and I miss you so much….  Thank you for everything, for being the greatest dad a daughter can ask for, the greatest grandfather for my two little girls…  for all the wonderful memories you left us with… Until the day we meet again…

Advertisements

Mother knows

I’m still not ready to talk about it more in details of what happen, but I wanted to share my story because I think it is important for mother’s out there to listen to yourself and seeks for comfort and support.                             

When our daughter Kalia was born, we were thrilled to have a beautiful baby girl. All of her test at birth showed normal results, as did the second one at the age of 7 months.

Kalia had always been a very happy and communicative baby. Then, as months passed, she improved all of her skills and developing as normal and baby possibly can. Even at her 1 year checkup, her pediatricians made comments on how she actually ahead. She masters some skills that normally mastered by a 18 month old baby if not older.

But later, at about the age of 18 months, she seemed to have fallen behind her peers as far as one of her skills were concerned. People around me always assure me that she’s fine and she will master that skills later on and baby develop at different rate and how I’m being paranoid. I heard this many – many times. Even from my husband.

Despite all that, I decided to have a special test done. My pediatrician, bless her heart, support me 100%. She told me to wait until Kalia is 2 but she did say, I shouldn’t ignore my instinct. Even though my husband kinda thinks it’s a waste of time at first, he supports me as well.

We did the test last Friday – I guess because it wasn’t really a medical reason and the test was done just based on instinct; it took us almost 1 month to get an appointment with the specialist, but we finally get in. As I hold her during the test, my heart slowly sink, I just knew that she blew it.

Even though I suspect it, both my husband and I were shocked by the results, it is different to suspect something then to actually hear and confirm it. : Fortunately, the doctor was very nice and professional. She immediately informed us of what the next steps should be. She immediately forwards the results to Kalia pediatrician, to different specialist and county for moral helps and supports. She gave us the entire outlet we need on how to move forward.

It doesn’t makes it any easier, I remember sitting there and listening to the test results and look at my husband next to me who have this stern look on his face and then I glance at Kalia and Tyra who were just happily playing with all the toys at the doctor’s office, my eyes just start getting blurry and I just cry right there and then.

I started asking the why questions… what did I do wrong, what did I miss, what I could’ve done different? What is it… WHY????? Don’t play a blaming game, that’s what the doctor told me. Nothing I’ve done or my husband that causes this, she assures us. It happens….  Things happens…

Doctors told me and my husband that we should not under estimate a support group for us. While we will continue to work on Kalia and her future but it is also important for us to get some counseling and support. I thought friends will do.

While we were waiting to get the test done, I took pictures of my kids playing in the waiting room and I post it on facebook. Some of friends start calling and ask if everything is okay. Friday afternoon was a very overwhelming time for us so I don’t return phone calls until Saturday. Even then I was still mixed with anger and guilt.

After hearing of what happens, I would say most friends are very supportive and sympathetic. However there are few that shocked me more. By the way, I’m talking just a handful of people that knows about it. Some friend thought I was being a drama queen and I shouldn’t fret about it too much. Okay …. But then, some friends who was my longtime friends and I consider a very good friends actually start blaming me, her first reaction was “What the H#@#$ did you do to her? Did you clean her *** too hard that causing this?” She’s actually the only person I reach out too – beside my family. And her respond was not something I expected.

After that I just shut down. I ignore phone calls and refuse to talk. Until Tuesday, blogging friends that become facebook friends invite her friends to rant on her page. I figure none of her readers knows me anyway, I will rants….  The response was so overwhelmingly positive though…. I cry and I cry reading it over and over again….  Some even helps me relate to their situations and some just there “holding my hands”. These comes from strangers.. Literally! And yet, so far they have provided me with comfort beyond believe. I deeply touch and humble by that.

Don’t get me wrong, I do have friends here who also hold my hands an cry with me… and I’m will be forever grateful for them. But the situation between my “good” friend and “strangers”  had open my eyes that we do need another outlets than just people around us. The neutral people that will not judge us, that will listen and offers suggestions, supports from neutral perspective.

My pediatrician calls to check on ME. Not Kalia, but ME and my husbands. She’s confidence that Kalia will be in a great hands with doctors and specialist but she also want to make sure we get the helps we need in order to assist kalia. She let me cry with her and she listen. She is too in a way a stranger..  but she’s there for us.

I take comfort that Kalia will get what she needs and my husband and I will get what we need in order to helps Kalia. What happens to us is a gift, it brings everything into perspective that my children truly is a blessing to us and we will be forever grateful for them.

God trusted them in my hands and I will do whatever it takes to make sure I don’t betrayed that trust.  So far.. (so far..) if there’s any good comes from this is a realization that you should count every blessing and not burden yourself with something small. One friend calls me yesterday and thank me. She thank me for share with her my situation. She told me she can’t sleeps at night thinking what would she done if she were in my shoes. She told me I put things in more perspective for her and she thank me for it.

One thing that my pediatrician says that hits me is: “Thank God for your Mother’s instinct, we caught this early.”

So to all mother’s out there… LISTEN.. those voices that tells you when something is off… LISTEN. Who care about other’s opinion, it is you that can feel it in your heart. And use every outlet provided to you for helps.

Thank you,

Sendie

 

Happy 2012

I didn’t get a change to do my (intended) last post of 2011. My youngest one got a nasty case of ear infection just that Saturday and it’s pretty much our New Year, holding a hot fever and screaming baby. I hope that doesn’t really illustrate how our 2012 will be. She’s all better just few hours after the clock strike to 2 am new years day and we finally drifted to sleep around 3 am ish.

What I was going to say was:

2011 has come to a close. This year has seen many ups and downs. We’ve been through challenges, but we were able to get through them with the guidance of God. I wanted to say that I am very blessed, grateful and appreciative to have you in my life. Your comment, your post without you realized has helped me tremendously, I have felt your prayers and your support. I also have a great privilege on becoming a friends with some of you through facebook and you guys have enrich my life and I THANK YOU for it.

This journey  has been awesome and I am so looking forward to see what else is in store. Thank you so much for allowing me to be me and for letting me grow spiritually and mentally. I feel that I have grown a lot over this past year.

 I am super excited about 2012!!! I am going to continue to love and continue to get closer to God. This is my time to focus more on Him and of course my family and to stay on the path He has set for me. My faith will continue to guide me and I will forever Thank God for everything, including for the struggles, the storms, the messes and the tests for they make you stronger in faith and with Him.

Love and Blessing….

-sendie

My holiday story

Hello! I hope you had a wonderful Holiday weekend with your family and friends. We had a great weekend filled with fun, family, friends and festivities.

My Saturday is a bit hectic, I still can’t find one gift for my friend’s daughter, she wanted a blue Angry bird and I went to three different store and they were all out! Gosh, I actually turn to be a pretty angry myself! 🙂 Then I also spend all day preparing for the feast on Sunday, I hosted a Christmas dinner this year (as was I last year as well – but this time it’s at friend’s house) so I spend most of my Saturday evening preparing for it – more story latter on. And a not so good thing, one of my dearest friend’s sister – who also a friend of ours – need to have a emergency tumor removal surgery so we also spend quite a bit of time visiting her at the hospital. But all is good. Nothing says Christmas/Holiday like a busy hectic day! 🙂

Sunday morning Tyra and Kalia literally running down the stairs wanting to open their presents. I love hearing the ooh… and ahh…. Each time Tyra open her presents, not to mention “thank you mommy, thank you daddy, thank you Santa, thank you elf and thank you God.” Hahaha… 🙂  They got a great combinations of toys, clothes and educational items for gift, so I’m pretty happy. Of course, the night before I made sure they choose their old toys to give away to goodwill. My friends notice that Tyra took little after me that she loves to cook and bake so she got her first easy bakes oven and a Hello Kitty cupcake maker! She’s way too excited to see them. Now Kalia, she doesn’t understand gift as much as Tyra, but she got excited over this one gift that my husband choose, it’s her first mini cycles. It’s pink and so cute. Apparently it need to be assembly so husband have to assembly it and she just sat there waiting patiently (most of the time) for daddy to finish putting her little bike together. Then she have a blast going all over the house with it and literally couldn’t care less on the rest of her gift.

The girls have been very blessed with their Aunties and Uncles (either from friends or relatives) with great gift their received. And I can’t thank them enough for loving my children.

As for the holiday feast, we have a progressive holiday feast on Sunday, we all agreed to have an all day eating fiesta, so instead of gathering on one place for dinner and everybody bring a dishes, we split into two places and have two family host each gathering. So we started our Sunday at 11 am with brunch at one friend’s house hosted by the homeowner and one other friends. It was so delish!! We have tons of pastry stuff (one of my friend is Hmong French so she cooks lots of French food) we have Mussels, Salmon, sandwiches and chicken, fruit tarts, etc..  I was so full and they even joked to moved dinner to 8 pm because they were all so full.

Dinner is my turn, I actually host it with one other friend and we do it at her house, however my friend is on an early stage of pregnancy and she really have a rough one. So she can’t cooked anything literally! So I cooked all the heavy stuff and all she need to do is preparing the eatery stuff, the utensil, drinks and salads. I made Roast Turkey, Roast Beef, bakes pasta and sautéed shrimp and mixed veggies, I also bakes a Christmas cake for dessert. I literally do all by myself cooked to feed about 20 – 30 people. I was so worried that we don’t have enough or it didn’t come up right etc… at the end it all went very well and they told me that I actually graduated to be a Nyab Hmong – I think it meant a good Hmong daughter in law. My husband and I was laughing so hard when they all say that. Laughing aside, I take it as a great compliment!

We really had a marvelous time together on Sunday. I love being among them, there’s nothing pretentious on our relationship,  it is mostly laughter that we shared I’m not going to lie, of course we also have our share of argument and tears but at the end we all become such a great friends that we put all aside. I think we truly become a family.

I hope you guys have just a lovely time as I was over the past weekend. Here’s to a great and successful 2012!!

Ps, sorry I haven’t got any time to load pictures yet, but I will and will share them soon.

Very blessed

I have been neglected this blog! The old ages excuses, busy with things…. 🙂

Little recap of what’s been happening (if you interested hehehe 🙂 )

We went to WI to see the family for thanksgiving. We had a great time! When we’re there we also drive around in Madison looking for area we’re thinking of moving into. As the times get closer, I get so excited over the idea of moving to WI and actually look forward to.

My husband finishes his student teaching and all of his students did a little farewell party for him. The school district where he teaches is one of the challenging school district. He was in for quite a surprise when he first started. At the beginning of the program he would come home mentally exhausted of his students’ conditions and their environment. He also faces a lot of challenge with their behavior and their parent’s lack of interest on their child! At the end, all the students gave him a well sent off and he told me some event cry and wrote him the most beautifully written thank you note. He just realize that his most difficult students is actually the one that he touches the most and have a hard time saying good bye to. He told me they are the reason why he became a teacher.

Tyra & Kalia…. Oh dear, where do I start? So many activities with so many accomplishments. One of my proudest moments is when Tyra’s awarded with an honor student the “Awesome Antelope” certificate and ‘Big Cheese” few weeks later. She went to Antelope Ridge and”Awesome Antelope” is an award they gave to their students to went and accomplished above and beyond academically. In Tyra case, she excels in Math! The certificate was given to her in a little ceremony with the principal.

Tyra is awsome Antelope

 

She’s also chosen to be the Big Cheese just few weeks later. Big Cheese is a stuffed mouse animal that the class has as “pet”.  Students that have good behavior and attitude are allowed to take it home for a week and wrote a journal on their activities. Tyra is so excited when she can be the Big Cheese and took him everywhere with her. At the end of the week the class also does a book on why Tyra is chosen to be the Big Cheese. It is so cute to see what her other classmate wrote about her.

December flew by too fast for me. As a tradition we also adopt a family for the holiday, this time we get a family with three boys! I always have a hard time shopping for boys so this particular tradition is a challenging one for me. It is all good though. I also took Tyra to do the shopping and pick up the toys and the clothes and also to pick up the wrapping paper. She kinda got disappointed because we can’t wrap them; it is part of the rule for Inter-Faith organization. But overall she has a great time and understands the meaning behind us adopting the family and I hope she see the important of it. I think she does, I gave her little gift over the weekend and she told me not to spend too much money on her because Santa will give her gift and I should save my money to give to other kids. Awww…..

I can’t recall any holiday that was not special, this is no different. One main special thing for me is how Tyra started to understand the importance of giving and sharing. She’s now know how to separate her old toys and clothes which one to keep for little sissy and which one for goodwill. I’m so proud of her!

This holiday we will also do things a bit differently this time. We will have what we call all day gathering and eating! Will start off with breakfast at one friend’s house; follow with lunch at another friend’s house and then dinner at another friend’s house. I’m in charged with the dinner together with the host. Then we’ll do Secret Santa for the kids, White Elephant for the adult. It will be fun!

And the next day, I got a very special gift from my work which is two tickets to Trans Siberian Orchestra at the Pepsi Center Box seat, with dinner included! I’m excited!!

As hard as some part of the year has been for me, as challenging as it is, yesterday, I look at the house with the chimney on, the stocking is full and presents from relative for the kids, I can say that I’ve been so blessed…. Very blessed indeed.

From my house to yours, Happy holiday!!

Happy Holiday

Busy but happy September

Vail September 2011

There’s an old Indonesian songs called ‘September Ceria” or Cheery (or happy) September is the lose translation for it. September is the starter of my most favorite time in the year, the time when leaves begin to fall, the air cools to pleasantly crisp. Lovely time. Did I mention I got engage in September? That’s added to the list as why this is my favorite time of the year.

Labor day weekend marked up the end of summer for us and ready for any fun in the falls activity. As it’s been a tradition, we went to Vail for their Rotary Duck race festival. We stumble upon the event by accident when looking for things to do in the high country during the long weekend. This was 5 yrs ago and we’ve been going ever since – with the exceptions of last year when we have to go to WI.

The race was fun, it’s Tyra’s 5th time and Kalia’s 1st time. Each year I feel like the event draw more and more crowd. Kalia was so surprise to see thousand of rubber duck swimming down the streams he squeals in delight the whole time and Tyra just have too much fun swimming with the duck.

Labor day weekend is also normally one of our busiest weekend. We actually have to turn down 2 invitations because it was overlapping with one another and they were located in different part of the city. It’s crazy busy but also fun so I won’t have it any other way. We do spare Monday as quite family time before we go back to regular routine on Tuesday.

On top of that I’ve been quite busy lately with few projects around the house and for friends. Tyra’s birthday coming up in just few weeks and I’ve been paying with lots of ideas in my head on how to surprise her and how to decorate/create a beautiful dessert table. Also a good friend of mine will celebrate her son’s 6th birthday party in just a week and half and ask me to plan it as well. I’m excited and nervous at the same time.

So Between my times I’ve been trying to create a party theme, dessert table decorations and planning the menu. The theme for my friend’s will be Phineas and Ferb, I’m keeping Tyra’s as a secret for now cause all is not finalize in my head just yet. For inspiration, as always I’ve been browsing through Kim’s website Tomkat Studio, I’ve long admired Kim’s fabulous dessert tables and always wanted to try it.

Being creative is exhausting! Hahaha… there are so many ideas that need to be put together and there are many times I found myself checking things off an imaginary list that was apparently floating above my head! But it was fun. Yesterday I finally finish designing the menu label and food label for my friend and she approved it right away and loves it! I’m having a blast!!

I will definably post pictures and after this one finish, I will finalize the ideas for Tyra’s party. It will be fabulous, elegant, sophisticated and fun!!! Wait for it!!

2011 Vail Duck Race festival

Dragon Boat Festival

Two weekends ago, my husband with group of friends was racing at the Colorado Annual Dragon Boat Festival. We are no stranger to this festival. In 2008 I perform a traditional Indonesian baby shower at one of their stage of Gateway to Asia and in 2009 I also Mc for Indonesian group who perform at the main stage. Last year was the only year we didn’t participate because I just gave birth to Kalia and won’t commit to do anything under the heat.

Speaking of heat, on Sunday, the weather reach triple digit during our race. I personally wasn’t racing but cheering for the group requires some energy too! 🙂

This year was the first year for us to actually participate in the racing itself, and now I totally get it, it is so addicting! Before I was always wonder why on earth people want to race boat peddling in the middle of the heat! Now I get it, it’s actually fun and really get your adrenaline pumping!

On top of us racing there are another big story, let me tell you about it.  There are a lot of booth, vendors at the festival, they sells food, merchandise or just advertise their business. Lots of them are giving away free stuff. Close to our tent there’s a booth for American Family insurance and they give away sun screen and chap stick, I just would like a little sun screen that I thought it’ll be good to put in the diaper bag so I don’t have to carry a big bottle all the times. While I was in there the guy ask me to fill out an entry form to win a flat screen TV or a Bike, ok, I just do it no harm done. Last Friday I got a call and told me I actually won the TV!!!! YAY ME!!!!

The TV!! Ps, I don’t think Kalia is too happy to be posing right after she just woke up.

I will upload pictures soon and will post it here in this  blog, in the meantime, enjoy some pictures from Denver Post and a bit of explanation of the festival also taken from Denver post. And visit their website for more information!

The 11th annual Colorado Dragon Boat festival at Sloan’s Lake in Denver, with temperatures soaring into the triple digits. Dragon boat racing is over 2,000 years old and is steeped in Chinese tradition. At the festival there are two types of boats that were used this year. The Taiwan style boat aka Flag Catching boats, where boats race to capture a flag at the end. They race in pairs. The second style is the international standard Hong Kong style boat where three boats race against each other. There were 3 different divisions in each category. Also at the festival was live music and dance, cultural education, a marketplace and lots of vendors selling food and traditional wares.

 

Welcome Ramadan

Here I am, finding myself (almost) in the midst of the Islamic Holy month of Ramadan in Colorado. Ramadan is the holiest month in Islam, most people only known it to be the times where Muslim fasting from sunrise to sunset. That’s part of it, it is the time where Muslim practice a strict self-discipline, abstaining from food, drink, and sexual relations.

This is also the month where Muslim More than ever) asking for forgiveness for previous sins and preventing oneself of committing new one. It is also the time where we emphasis forgiveness from each other – not just God, but with friends and relatives. Refrain from speaking ill of one another or even just thinking impure thoughts.

The idea behind fasting is as practice of self control, to draw focus from earthy material stuff and to think of those who are less fortunate by understanding the true meaning of hunger and thirst are. Hopefully we all will be more compassionate as person and reborn to be a better person, a better Muslim.

I would like to enter this holy month with clean slate. Therefore I ask for forgiveness from you all in case I say (wrote) something that offended you, or un intentionally say or do something in appropriately or hurt your feeling. May the light that we celebrate at Ramadan show us the way and lead us together on the path of peace and social harmony.

Salam, Sendie –Lou

What I wrote last year during this time…

The beauty of Ramadan….

 

When friends only stay for a season….

In the past, I have written about great friends I have around me who will helps me no matter what, no questions asked. This morning, I read Tien’s blog about reaching out and what she said in the 1st paragraph hits me. This is what she said:

In the years ahead, many a time, I felt that I was invited for a day out only because I have a ride. Or the times when I have offered my help without being asked, and when I needed help, I could find no one. Times when I felt I have no friends I could trust, no one to listen, no one to talk to, no one to support me, no one to comfort me. No one I could truly count on. No true friend to lean on. Always taken for granted.

Now she also said something that my grandpa said to me one time, If you keep giving and giving without question, people will naturally take you for granted My grandpa once said that to me. He even give me an example, he said, give rice to your neighbor everyday of the month for no reason, then stop after 30 days. Watch how they react. At first they will be surprise, grateful and they will expect it to come every day and when you stop, they will become angry to you for stop giving them rice, even though you really have no obligation to do so from very beginning.

Among those great friends I have, I also had friend whom lately I just realize had taken me for granted. Yeah.. I could be that oblivious sometime and need a hit in the head to realize something. Well, it’s just not in my nature to think badly of people and again, I always try to give people benefit of the doubt.

There are so many incident I can recall on how she took me for granted and only call me when she need stuff but I look the other way.  Until one time she somehow blurt it out to me that in her country (she’s from a neighboring country of Indonesia) Indonesian people are only worthy as a servant . Then she laugh and told me she was joking. I’m not sure I get it.

Even after that “joke” was said, I’m still be a friend to her. She hasn’t contacted me in over 1 yr, she did call few times when she need something and always said “let’s get together.” But never happen. Oh well… it reminded me of an email that been circulating on how people comes and goes into your life, they will either come for a season or forever. No matter how they come, and without we realize it they all have reason why they are in your life.  It’s time for me to move on.

Decisions.. decisions.. decisions…

We’re only in July of 2011. We’re more than half way through the year! For me it’s time to look back and reevaluated everything.

This year has been emotionally hard for me. It might sound very silly, but the realization of living far away from family just hit me hard this year. Maybe watching my dad cry as he say good bye to us at the airport few month ago, maybe the lost of my brother and uncles? Maybe now my priorities just change? I don’t know…..

I can say this that even though I live far away from family, I’m one of lucky one to be surrounded by friends who are so good to me & my little family. Most of my weekends – if not filled with invitations or celebrations – are mostly spent with them. For no special reason or occasion, just relaxing together, playing volley ball, children plays together and normally we’ll have pot luck and dinner together. And talk… we talk about everything. Giving input to each other, advice, talk about past experience, hope for the future…

Being with this awesome group of friends helps tremendously, no one can understand how crucial those weekly traditions were for me in times when I felt down hearted or homesick, especially after my last home visit. Not even my friends themselves will ever know.

At first, after coming back from Indonesia my husband and I wanted to be closer to family, but moving to Indonesia will have to wait few years. There are a lot that need to be done before we can pack up and move across the continent.  So moving to WI seems to makes more sense, that’s why we decide to sell the house. Now that we’re much closer to the big move, we’re still can’t made a concrete decision whether we wanted to stay in CO or move to WI.

There are also a “unique” history between husband and his family in WI which I’m not going to bore you with the details. Unfortunately the uniqueness is not all good just leave it as that.

My sister in law was here few weeks ago and she met all of my friends and hang out with them. We also talked to my sister in law about moving and her respond was surprising to me, she said (pretty much), “If you’re moving to be closer to the family in WI and leave that awesome group of friends, then you’re stupid. I wouldn’t do that.” Keep in mind of the “uniqueness” history between the family and us.

Forget about the adult… there’s the kids.. nieces & nephews, cousins for Tyra & Kalia. Ugh.. my heads hurt just to think about it. We are getting closer to moving time and still have a lot of things hanging over our head. This is probably the most stupid and unorganized plan I ever did in my life.

I pray more and more now… pray for guidance. I know that God will listen and will somehow help me makes clear decision.  Someone shares with me this bits of wisdom about prayer: When God say YES, then our wish has comes true, when God says NO, then He will give us something else, something musch better than what we originally wanted. If God says WAIT, then we will receive the best at the right time. God knows not to give right away but at the right time. Amien.