Mother knows

I’m still not ready to talk about it more in details of what happen, but I wanted to share my story because I think it is important for mother’s out there to listen to yourself and seeks for comfort and support.                             

When our daughter Kalia was born, we were thrilled to have a beautiful baby girl. All of her test at birth showed normal results, as did the second one at the age of 7 months.

Kalia had always been a very happy and communicative baby. Then, as months passed, she improved all of her skills and developing as normal and baby possibly can. Even at her 1 year checkup, her pediatricians made comments on how she actually ahead. She masters some skills that normally mastered by a 18 month old baby if not older.

But later, at about the age of 18 months, she seemed to have fallen behind her peers as far as one of her skills were concerned. People around me always assure me that she’s fine and she will master that skills later on and baby develop at different rate and how I’m being paranoid. I heard this many – many times. Even from my husband.

Despite all that, I decided to have a special test done. My pediatrician, bless her heart, support me 100%. She told me to wait until Kalia is 2 but she did say, I shouldn’t ignore my instinct. Even though my husband kinda thinks it’s a waste of time at first, he supports me as well.

We did the test last Friday – I guess because it wasn’t really a medical reason and the test was done just based on instinct; it took us almost 1 month to get an appointment with the specialist, but we finally get in. As I hold her during the test, my heart slowly sink, I just knew that she blew it.

Even though I suspect it, both my husband and I were shocked by the results, it is different to suspect something then to actually hear and confirm it. : Fortunately, the doctor was very nice and professional. She immediately informed us of what the next steps should be. She immediately forwards the results to Kalia pediatrician, to different specialist and county for moral helps and supports. She gave us the entire outlet we need on how to move forward.

It doesn’t makes it any easier, I remember sitting there and listening to the test results and look at my husband next to me who have this stern look on his face and then I glance at Kalia and Tyra who were just happily playing with all the toys at the doctor’s office, my eyes just start getting blurry and I just cry right there and then.

I started asking the why questions… what did I do wrong, what did I miss, what I could’ve done different? What is it… WHY????? Don’t play a blaming game, that’s what the doctor told me. Nothing I’ve done or my husband that causes this, she assures us. It happens….  Things happens…

Doctors told me and my husband that we should not under estimate a support group for us. While we will continue to work on Kalia and her future but it is also important for us to get some counseling and support. I thought friends will do.

While we were waiting to get the test done, I took pictures of my kids playing in the waiting room and I post it on facebook. Some of friends start calling and ask if everything is okay. Friday afternoon was a very overwhelming time for us so I don’t return phone calls until Saturday. Even then I was still mixed with anger and guilt.

After hearing of what happens, I would say most friends are very supportive and sympathetic. However there are few that shocked me more. By the way, I’m talking just a handful of people that knows about it. Some friend thought I was being a drama queen and I shouldn’t fret about it too much. Okay …. But then, some friends who was my longtime friends and I consider a very good friends actually start blaming me, her first reaction was “What the H#@#$ did you do to her? Did you clean her *** too hard that causing this?” She’s actually the only person I reach out too – beside my family. And her respond was not something I expected.

After that I just shut down. I ignore phone calls and refuse to talk. Until Tuesday, blogging friends that become facebook friends invite her friends to rant on her page. I figure none of her readers knows me anyway, I will rants….  The response was so overwhelmingly positive though…. I cry and I cry reading it over and over again….  Some even helps me relate to their situations and some just there “holding my hands”. These comes from strangers.. Literally! And yet, so far they have provided me with comfort beyond believe. I deeply touch and humble by that.

Don’t get me wrong, I do have friends here who also hold my hands an cry with me… and I’m will be forever grateful for them. But the situation between my “good” friend and “strangers”  had open my eyes that we do need another outlets than just people around us. The neutral people that will not judge us, that will listen and offers suggestions, supports from neutral perspective.

My pediatrician calls to check on ME. Not Kalia, but ME and my husbands. She’s confidence that Kalia will be in a great hands with doctors and specialist but she also want to make sure we get the helps we need in order to assist kalia. She let me cry with her and she listen. She is too in a way a stranger..  but she’s there for us.

I take comfort that Kalia will get what she needs and my husband and I will get what we need in order to helps Kalia. What happens to us is a gift, it brings everything into perspective that my children truly is a blessing to us and we will be forever grateful for them.

God trusted them in my hands and I will do whatever it takes to make sure I don’t betrayed that trust.  So far.. (so far..) if there’s any good comes from this is a realization that you should count every blessing and not burden yourself with something small. One friend calls me yesterday and thank me. She thank me for share with her my situation. She told me she can’t sleeps at night thinking what would she done if she were in my shoes. She told me I put things in more perspective for her and she thank me for it.

One thing that my pediatrician says that hits me is: “Thank God for your Mother’s instinct, we caught this early.”

So to all mother’s out there… LISTEN.. those voices that tells you when something is off… LISTEN. Who care about other’s opinion, it is you that can feel it in your heart. And use every outlet provided to you for helps.

Thank you,

Sendie

 

Very blessed

I have been neglected this blog! The old ages excuses, busy with things…. 🙂

Little recap of what’s been happening (if you interested hehehe 🙂 )

We went to WI to see the family for thanksgiving. We had a great time! When we’re there we also drive around in Madison looking for area we’re thinking of moving into. As the times get closer, I get so excited over the idea of moving to WI and actually look forward to.

My husband finishes his student teaching and all of his students did a little farewell party for him. The school district where he teaches is one of the challenging school district. He was in for quite a surprise when he first started. At the beginning of the program he would come home mentally exhausted of his students’ conditions and their environment. He also faces a lot of challenge with their behavior and their parent’s lack of interest on their child! At the end, all the students gave him a well sent off and he told me some event cry and wrote him the most beautifully written thank you note. He just realize that his most difficult students is actually the one that he touches the most and have a hard time saying good bye to. He told me they are the reason why he became a teacher.

Tyra & Kalia…. Oh dear, where do I start? So many activities with so many accomplishments. One of my proudest moments is when Tyra’s awarded with an honor student the “Awesome Antelope” certificate and ‘Big Cheese” few weeks later. She went to Antelope Ridge and”Awesome Antelope” is an award they gave to their students to went and accomplished above and beyond academically. In Tyra case, she excels in Math! The certificate was given to her in a little ceremony with the principal.

Tyra is awsome Antelope

 

She’s also chosen to be the Big Cheese just few weeks later. Big Cheese is a stuffed mouse animal that the class has as “pet”.  Students that have good behavior and attitude are allowed to take it home for a week and wrote a journal on their activities. Tyra is so excited when she can be the Big Cheese and took him everywhere with her. At the end of the week the class also does a book on why Tyra is chosen to be the Big Cheese. It is so cute to see what her other classmate wrote about her.

December flew by too fast for me. As a tradition we also adopt a family for the holiday, this time we get a family with three boys! I always have a hard time shopping for boys so this particular tradition is a challenging one for me. It is all good though. I also took Tyra to do the shopping and pick up the toys and the clothes and also to pick up the wrapping paper. She kinda got disappointed because we can’t wrap them; it is part of the rule for Inter-Faith organization. But overall she has a great time and understands the meaning behind us adopting the family and I hope she see the important of it. I think she does, I gave her little gift over the weekend and she told me not to spend too much money on her because Santa will give her gift and I should save my money to give to other kids. Awww…..

I can’t recall any holiday that was not special, this is no different. One main special thing for me is how Tyra started to understand the importance of giving and sharing. She’s now know how to separate her old toys and clothes which one to keep for little sissy and which one for goodwill. I’m so proud of her!

This holiday we will also do things a bit differently this time. We will have what we call all day gathering and eating! Will start off with breakfast at one friend’s house; follow with lunch at another friend’s house and then dinner at another friend’s house. I’m in charged with the dinner together with the host. Then we’ll do Secret Santa for the kids, White Elephant for the adult. It will be fun!

And the next day, I got a very special gift from my work which is two tickets to Trans Siberian Orchestra at the Pepsi Center Box seat, with dinner included! I’m excited!!

As hard as some part of the year has been for me, as challenging as it is, yesterday, I look at the house with the chimney on, the stocking is full and presents from relative for the kids, I can say that I’ve been so blessed…. Very blessed indeed.

From my house to yours, Happy holiday!!

Happy Holiday

Motivation

Lately, I haven’t been feeling much of anything. I got so caught up in the routine that I have become so passive.

The motivation is just not there. It’s bad and I know it’s bad but man I got so lazy that I just ignore it.

Then my sister emails me a news clip from Indonesian newspaper.  The newspaper reporter went to a very remote area in Indonesia and snaps a picture of local kids on their way to school.

It breaks my heart and put me to shame. These kids have to walk 6 K to school one way also have to cross this “bridge” with the risk of falling into the river. They endure all that for school, to better educate themselves, to better their life and their future.

Judge by their uniform, these are elementary students, so they can’t be more than 12 years old.

Here I am, living a very convince life and still complaining. I realize that when things get tough instead of fighting I curl and just wish it to go away. Instead of working harder try to make it better I makes zillion of excuses to feel sorry about myself and act like a victim.

I vow to make changes in my life and instead of lay down and dreaming to actually wake up and work to make it come true.  

Taken from Kompas.com

Questions for parents

Being a parent it’s not easy. The epic responsibility of having kids is very scary. Growing up, I actually was very afraid to commit myself to have children. I have two now and couldn’t even imagine how dull my life would be without them. Yes, between the two of them I gain about 40 lbs and yes after breast feeding my breasts deflated to nothing… but that’s a very small sacrifice compare to the rewards and that’s not really what I wanted to share.

I always have a strong opinion on how important school is and early childhood education. To me early childhood education is not about learning to read and math. It is more of social skills.  I learned about SPICE when I first researching a good school & day care for Tyra, SPICE is:

  • Social – Refers mostly to the ability to form attachments, play with others, co-operation and sharing, and being able to create lasting relationships with others.
  • Physical – Development of Fine (small) and Gross (large) Motor Skills.
  • Intellectual – The process of making sense of the world around them.
  • Creative – The development of special abilities creating talents. Music, Art, Writing, Reading, and Singing are all ways for creative development to take place.
  • Emotional – Development of self-awareness, self-confidence, and coping with feelings as well as understanding them.

And did you know that did you know that by age three, a child’s brain has reached more than 85% of its adult weight? Hence, the importance of quality, early-childhood education. This is a scientific research done by Colorado Parent & Child Foundation. Also the brain will prune those things that it discerns are not being used starting at about 18 months. So, if you are neglecting a little one, the brain turns off those parts that are not getting stimulated. So, what is the best way to stimulate that tiny brain to keep growing? Play with the baby. Yep. That easy. Talk to him. Sing to her. Dance with him. Read to her. Play games with him. Take walks with her.

The reason why I thought of it today, a while back I went to Tyra’s class mate birthday party. There’s this one girl, she’s very cute but she doesn’t play nice with others.  I can tell she’s very happy and she should be it’s a party! But noticing her lack of social skills she soon acting like a brat. Sorry if I’m being blunt about this.  

It was so sad, but I also feel how the other parents felt. She runs and grabbing toys from other kids refuse to play – meaning share – with others. Meanwhile, instead of letting the child know that it’s not okay to take toys from others, the mom is just busy making excuses and apologizing.

Towards the end, she acting worse and the other parents finally speak up one mom even suggest a spanking. I don’t know these groups of people except the host so I stay quite. I feel bad for the mom though, she feels embarrassed and finally during cake the kids calm down a bit and the mom and I kinda sat next to each other. We exchange small talks and she apologize for her girl pulling Tyra’s hair (because she want Tyra bandana and Tyra refuse to give it to her) I just smile. She goes on making excuses that her baby is good kid at home but just tired from missing a nap – I don’t doubt her – but its 11 am in the morning!

 From that conversation I gather that she’s the baby – no surprise and she will be 4 yrs old and never been in school once. So the only social interaction is between her and her brother and sister at home.  Because she’s the baby she basically get everything she wants , well… she’s the baby, so her older brother and sister have to give in and the Mom – a stay at home Mom – purposely delay her school because again.. She’s the baby! Although the mom assure me that she taught the kid at home, how she can already write her name and count to 30. But what about social skills? The questions stay in my head.

I saw them again last weekend at the water fountain right by our house and she remembers me and we chatted while the kids play with water. Again, the daughter doing the same thing, grabbing things that not hers and refuse to give it back when the owner ask…. 

I don’t blame the child, I blame the mom. The child lack of social aspect in her life and she doesn’t know any better. The mom should see that her child is lack of social skills and do something about it instead of making excuses. I’m not passing judgment; I’m a parent of two young girls, so I still have a very long way to go. But in my opinion the mom could’ve done something. I’m not asking her to put the child on time out or embarrassed her, but talk to her and letting her know that it is not nice.

According to research I mention earlier by the age of 2 the brain turns off those parts of it that are not getting stimulated. So if we don’t start telling our child what’s right and what’s wrong, the child won’t know any different.

True story, my sister in law, never put her son into day care or preschool. Again, he’s the baby! By the time he has to be in kindergarten, his behavior is so bad that public school refuse him. Teachers carefully told my sister & brother in law that their son needs special attention that public school can’t give. Happy ending that he’s in private school now and doing great.

Am I wrong for taking this whole social skill seriously? Being a parents is hard, so I’m not going to lie and thinking I can do it all by myself. I need help. Teachers and school are parts of the help I need. Let me know your thought on this.