Should I stop grieving?

It’s not even a month yet, the wound still feel fresh, and it didn’t take much to takes me back to the painful realization that my dad is gone.

Cooking, looking at the green pan that he loves can bring tears to my eyes… seeing a jar of decaf coffee that he likes so much still sitting on the pantry is enough to break me down…

Days and nights come and go and life goes on, the world seems to be spinning still… although I feel so crushed and dead inside.

Nighttime is the hardest, when people around you sleeping and you just lay there with your own thoughts…  thinking, feeling the hurt and anger again… , wondering why. If everything happens for a reason, this is one of the occasions I wish God would’ve told me why…

God how I miss him so….

Then little voice talk to me, my Tyra told me last night… “Mommy, I don’t want to grow up. “ “but why?” “Well, if I grow up, then you and Daddy will die and I don’t want that, I will miss you so much and I don’t want to be sad all the time like you.”

I have a mixed feeling listening to that. I have been trying to hide my grief from my children. I cry on the way to work, on the way home from work, in the shower.. but somehow she must’ve seen right through me.

Should I stop grieving? Honestly right now I don’t know how or if I can stop…

Then I remember “my dad’s voice” that comes to me in a dream one night….  That tells me to stop crying and to go on with my life, how he’s still around… 

For my daughters sake and my family, I will try…  I will try to grief in different way…

God help me….

My dad June 2012. Fond Du Lac, WI

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2 responses

  1. It is heartbreaking when a loved one passes away. You don’t have to stop grieving. You have every right to grieve for your loss. However, don’t forget to take care of yourself during your grieving process. And reach out to your support system.

  2. You can’t stop grieving. That’s how you will get through this. And maybe you need to find someone trained to help you through this grief…but it’s still early, so of course you are sad all the time now. That’s normal. Have a talk with your little ones, tell them that it’s normal to feel sad, but that you aren’t going to go anywhere for a very very long time. Help them grieve for their grandpa too. This is a confusing time for them.

    PS: That’s a great picture of your Dad! Do you have more? We’d like to get to know him!

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