Mother knows

I’m still not ready to talk about it more in details of what happen, but I wanted to share my story because I think it is important for mother’s out there to listen to yourself and seeks for comfort and support.                             

When our daughter Kalia was born, we were thrilled to have a beautiful baby girl. All of her test at birth showed normal results, as did the second one at the age of 7 months.

Kalia had always been a very happy and communicative baby. Then, as months passed, she improved all of her skills and developing as normal and baby possibly can. Even at her 1 year checkup, her pediatricians made comments on how she actually ahead. She masters some skills that normally mastered by a 18 month old baby if not older.

But later, at about the age of 18 months, she seemed to have fallen behind her peers as far as one of her skills were concerned. People around me always assure me that she’s fine and she will master that skills later on and baby develop at different rate and how I’m being paranoid. I heard this many – many times. Even from my husband.

Despite all that, I decided to have a special test done. My pediatrician, bless her heart, support me 100%. She told me to wait until Kalia is 2 but she did say, I shouldn’t ignore my instinct. Even though my husband kinda thinks it’s a waste of time at first, he supports me as well.

We did the test last Friday – I guess because it wasn’t really a medical reason and the test was done just based on instinct; it took us almost 1 month to get an appointment with the specialist, but we finally get in. As I hold her during the test, my heart slowly sink, I just knew that she blew it.

Even though I suspect it, both my husband and I were shocked by the results, it is different to suspect something then to actually hear and confirm it. : Fortunately, the doctor was very nice and professional. She immediately informed us of what the next steps should be. She immediately forwards the results to Kalia pediatrician, to different specialist and county for moral helps and supports. She gave us the entire outlet we need on how to move forward.

It doesn’t makes it any easier, I remember sitting there and listening to the test results and look at my husband next to me who have this stern look on his face and then I glance at Kalia and Tyra who were just happily playing with all the toys at the doctor’s office, my eyes just start getting blurry and I just cry right there and then.

I started asking the why questions… what did I do wrong, what did I miss, what I could’ve done different? What is it… WHY????? Don’t play a blaming game, that’s what the doctor told me. Nothing I’ve done or my husband that causes this, she assures us. It happens….  Things happens…

Doctors told me and my husband that we should not under estimate a support group for us. While we will continue to work on Kalia and her future but it is also important for us to get some counseling and support. I thought friends will do.

While we were waiting to get the test done, I took pictures of my kids playing in the waiting room and I post it on facebook. Some of friends start calling and ask if everything is okay. Friday afternoon was a very overwhelming time for us so I don’t return phone calls until Saturday. Even then I was still mixed with anger and guilt.

After hearing of what happens, I would say most friends are very supportive and sympathetic. However there are few that shocked me more. By the way, I’m talking just a handful of people that knows about it. Some friend thought I was being a drama queen and I shouldn’t fret about it too much. Okay …. But then, some friends who was my longtime friends and I consider a very good friends actually start blaming me, her first reaction was “What the H#@#$ did you do to her? Did you clean her *** too hard that causing this?” She’s actually the only person I reach out too – beside my family. And her respond was not something I expected.

After that I just shut down. I ignore phone calls and refuse to talk. Until Tuesday, blogging friends that become facebook friends invite her friends to rant on her page. I figure none of her readers knows me anyway, I will rants….  The response was so overwhelmingly positive though…. I cry and I cry reading it over and over again….  Some even helps me relate to their situations and some just there “holding my hands”. These comes from strangers.. Literally! And yet, so far they have provided me with comfort beyond believe. I deeply touch and humble by that.

Don’t get me wrong, I do have friends here who also hold my hands an cry with me… and I’m will be forever grateful for them. But the situation between my “good” friend and “strangers”  had open my eyes that we do need another outlets than just people around us. The neutral people that will not judge us, that will listen and offers suggestions, supports from neutral perspective.

My pediatrician calls to check on ME. Not Kalia, but ME and my husbands. She’s confidence that Kalia will be in a great hands with doctors and specialist but she also want to make sure we get the helps we need in order to assist kalia. She let me cry with her and she listen. She is too in a way a stranger..  but she’s there for us.

I take comfort that Kalia will get what she needs and my husband and I will get what we need in order to helps Kalia. What happens to us is a gift, it brings everything into perspective that my children truly is a blessing to us and we will be forever grateful for them.

God trusted them in my hands and I will do whatever it takes to make sure I don’t betrayed that trust.  So far.. (so far..) if there’s any good comes from this is a realization that you should count every blessing and not burden yourself with something small. One friend calls me yesterday and thank me. She thank me for share with her my situation. She told me she can’t sleeps at night thinking what would she done if she were in my shoes. She told me I put things in more perspective for her and she thank me for it.

One thing that my pediatrician says that hits me is: “Thank God for your Mother’s instinct, we caught this early.”

So to all mother’s out there… LISTEN.. those voices that tells you when something is off… LISTEN. Who care about other’s opinion, it is you that can feel it in your heart. And use every outlet provided to you for helps.

Thank you,

Sendie

 

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4 responses

  1. My pediatrician always took my hand and said at the end of our visits when Cole was little—Katybeth you are such a wonderful mother just keep trusting those hunches. It was so helpful to have found a pediatrician who believed in me! I think you will find lots of help along the way in places were you least expect it. As for your thoughtless friends…sometimes we all have foot in mouth disease and I have certainly been treated to people who say the exact wrong thing. Some of those people I love enough to just let it pass, I know they did not mean it the way it sounded, Sometimes, I repeat back what others have said, so they can hear how it sounded and offer a correction or clarification and some people have not been worth continuing a friendship with…some times a crisis helps end friendships that should have been ended long ago.
    Thank you for letting other people help you…that is the gift you give back when you share.

  2. Oh Sendie-Lou! I am sending huge hugs which I hope you feel! You are such a good mommy—-don’t you ever doubt that! I am so glad you had that mother’s instinct and now your sweet Kalia can get the help she needs! I am praying for peace and acceptance for you and for good therapists and specialists for her who will help her through this. Love you!

  3. I am not really sure what happened because the blog was vague–and you have every right to write whatever you want to, you don’t have to go into detail to explain to anyone about anything at all–but please know that your family is in my heart. And from reading your blogs, I know that you’re a wonderful mother. You listened to your motherly instinct when everyone around you said there was nothing wrong. It’s not your fault. Like the doctor said, there’s nothing you or your husband could’ve done about it. Don’t blame yourself.

    My sister’s child is delayed in speech. I have voiced my concerns about it to her, but she tells me that kids develop differently and her daughter will be fine. I told her that delayed speech is a sign of autism, and her child’s pediatrician did recommend a speech therapist and tests, but my sister is in denial. I wish that she would listen to her instinct and her doctor’s. And even if there is nothing wrong, it’s better to be safe than too late to correct the problem. I’m happy that despite how others have tried to reassure you, you trusted your guts. I only wish you and your family the best.

  4. That is very sad, Sendie. I know how hard it must have been. I hope and pray that things will turn out good in the end. It’s never an easy thing to deal with when your child has some kind of illness or issue. My oldest daughter has had a consistent tic since she was 6 and the doctors said it would go away in 2 to 3 years but it still hasn’t. When I first found out and scheduled an appointment at Children’s, they told me they were booked and I had to wait 2 weeks but it bothered me so much that I called back determined to get a sooner check-up. I literally begged them (and I was at work too but I didn’t care because my daughter’s health was more important to me than anything else in the world). So they were able to get me in, in like a day or two. Those couple of days were the hardest. To this day, I still don’t know if it is hereditary, if she did something that damaged her brain/nerves, or if (from what I’ve researched) she was exposed to scary violent movies at a young age (something I would never allow but long story…).

    Anyway, I’m glad you shared this post. I hope that you will be able to share the diagnosis one day. Take care.

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