A fat hippy Asian woman!

That’s what I dress like for Halloween. My closest friends said “well how can we tell a different from any other day?” – can you tell I have a great friends support systems?! Hahahaha…. Btw… I’ll post more on my Halloween story in different post.

Anyhoo… sorry for lack of posting this past week – for those you email me and nagging – 🙂 Life just got crazy and I lose the track of time. Some of you know I went back to school and last week was my first week. YES! I’m gluten for punishment! I just had a baby y’all, a toddler and a husband with attitude no different than teenagers (if not toddler), not mention I still work full time, I also serve as Board Director of one of non-profit organization.

BUT!!! Even though life is crazy as it is… so far we manage everything smoothly. Sometime my brain surprises me with how I’m able to organize all the chaotic in my life without going cookoo – or at least not yet. Ha! My personal reason is not so funny though… right after I gave birth to my first one, I went through a very bad post partum depression. It was very bad that it had occur to me to end it all (me) three times! I have a great family and friends support systems, but depression is not an easy thing to share. I just gave birth to a very healthy beautiful baby girl  but can’t explain why I’m sad all the times.

Finally after intensive counseling and other help, I got over it. But it lasted over a year! Looking back, I have to be honest on how amaze I was with myself that I’m able to keep it together. No one knew what’s going on – except for hubby & few close friends. I never “losing” it with just anybody, I was able to keep a good composer of myself. It is very hard. I’m just glad that my husband was there for me to help me not just throw me completely in the hand of my doctor and pills. He literally hold my hands through it all.

Anyway… kinda went off track there. So all my doctor (and insurance company) was so afraid I will fall off the wagon again with my second one. They were all very cautious about it, the insurance company even already prescribe Zoloft on my last trimester – which I refuse to take (some of you know how I feel about drugs) – I took a changes. So far I’m okay! But I know deep down I’m still afraid of it. Especially now I learned about Kalia medical issue. I’m afraid I will fall off the wagon.  I still remember how it feel, I still remember the sadness and what I go through before…  although I know post partum is not something we can help, but I refuse to give in to that feeling, I refuse to go through it again so keep myself busy is my way of not thinking about it.

I figure with me keeping myself busy I won’t have time to sit around wallowing about myself. Not all is about me!

This is my battle and losing is not an options!

One response

  1. You are lucky to have a strong support system. Not anybody have that. It should tell a lot about someone when they don’t have many friends at all!
    Oh..you’re such a good person! “never losing it with just anybody” I like that. I understand everybody have their own struggles, but I don’t like it when they think the world is just revolve around them and make other missarable. There are a lot of selfish people out there.

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