Just want to share something personal….
My mom and I have a heart to heart conversation yesterday, mostly about kids, marriage and family. Then somehow I ask him a question about how did she knows that my dad was the one. I know my dad is very romantic, till this day beside their anniversary, he celebrate 5th of October – that’s the day they first met!
My Mom is a very beautiful woman, and I didn’t say that because she’s my Mom, but because she is. Even right now in her 60s she look better than me in my 30s! From stories my grandma, aunts, uncles and cousins told me, I knew that there are a lot of guy who is after my Mom and I’ve met some of them and those guys are not just regular guy… one owned the largest department store in southeast Asia (equal to macy here in US) one is a plastic surgeon and one is the owner of the largest paint company in Indonesia – that is just to name a few. And my dad, yeah he’s loaded too, but really compare to those guys, he’s probably only worth half and he’s just okay looking – my brother in law even bluntly say he don’t think my dad deserve to be with my mom – of course he’s only looking at things physically just like how the rest of his family thinks.
So I did ask that question – not because I think my dad doesn’t deserve to be with my mom, but I just would like to know what makes her choose him. Her answer makes me cry… she told me that yes, there are a lot of guys who are attracted to her and sending her expensive jewelry and gifts and she did go out with some of them. She told me there’s something different about my dad. The way he cares and notice small little thing. He gave her expensive gifts too on special occasions, but it’s what he did on daily basis that win her. He remembers special dates, special times and special moment and embraces all that. My Mom told me that the love she feels for my dad is not like a fireworks type of emotions, but rather something that grow slowly and softly.
Little background on my mom childhood…. Both my grandma and my aunt fail on their first marriages due to their husband infidelity – in fact my aunt was somewhat abuse by her 1st husband. My grandma being a very strong woman as she is refuses to have a monogamy marriage and divorce her first husband. My grandma was selling food on a train station and that’s how she met her second husband – my grandfather. My grandfather was 6 yrs younger than she is and still single. And he’s a pilot! Well, my grandma was a very beautiful woman too. Long story short, they got married and have 2 kids, my mom and my uncle. My mom said, my grandpa even though he’s younger and very good looking adores his wife, even when my grandma was no longer able to have anymore kids – and he still want more kids – he stood by her all the way. And for my aunt, she sticks to their marriage for her kids until her husband left her.
My aunt is also a very strong woman, but somehow in this matter she became weak. But they got divorce and I remember, in her 50s, there’s a man who fall in love with her – this man was in her 40 and he’s the director of one of the local bank in Jakarta. She refuses to have a relationship with him due to the fact she can’t have anymore kids so he will not able to have biological kids of his own. But in the end love win and he convince her. They got married when I was about 5 – 6 yrs old. I was the flower girl. I have never seen my Aunt so happy.
Back to my Mom, she then told me that she learned from both her mother and her sister, when it comes to marriage and finding your soul mate, you can’t listen to what your heart feels – but you need to listen to what your heart is thinking. She told me love is a very unstable emotion, especially when it comes so fast like a fireworks, then it’ll normally die just as fast. She told me she’s looking for someone who will always love her no matter how she’ll look in the next 10, 20,30 yrs because physical beauty will never last. My dad, according to her had proved that. It was never about money, it was never about looks – those things will never last forever. Unconditional love, finding someone who will always accept us for who we are at any given conditions.